Monday, February 05, 2007

Cling till divorce do 'em apart?

-By Swetha Amit
Marriages are made in heaven, but broken on earth; and it is perceived as a claustrophobic living hell by most youngsters today. Is it really a devil's abode as many portray it to be?

A further insight is given to this alarmingly growing 'marital phobia’. The twenty something adults are apprehensive about their independence being enticed away with a lifetime commitment. Space and privacy are the two most common connotations uttered by the contemporary youth, in relation to marital ties.

Many may find the concept of a marriage, an exciting prospect of walking down life’s journey with their soul mate. However its the term "wedding "that acts as a block of iceberg in this warm and cozy institution.Inlaws and par aphelia of relatives, adjusting to the new family and meeting each ones demands is enough to frighten these singletons away all their lives. In the recent trend, numerous newly wed couples are facing a rocky road situation which is on the verge of a dead end in the form of divorce.

Several reasons are cited for marital breakups. Amongst the prime ones being, authoritarian- parenting skills which are accompanied by clingy behaviour. This is due to the over-possessiveness of parents and immediate siblings, resulting in the intrusion act. This takes place in spite of one choosing a separate course in their lifetime journey. The growing trend of working woman has stimulated the need for economic stability and independence. Avoidance of excessive dependence on parents and the anticipated clash of values have precipitated the nuclear family lifestyle. Curtailment of this new found freedom, despite living away from family, causes frustration ultimately leading to friction between the couple. A marriage is a huge change that occurs in everyone’s lives.

Parents get wistful seeing their little ones grow up and starting a family of their own. A feeling of parting with their own kith n kin is quite natural for the elders. Insecurity is known to creep in between the parents in law and the respective son/daughter in law. Afraid of losing their beloved ‘child’ to the spouse is a nerve wrecking emotion, which propels the inability of the aged to let go.

Children are all like little saplings which have been nurtured by the parent plant. Time has come for them to find their roots in a different garden and start a family tree of their own. Privacy and intimacy is what a honeymoon phased couple need during their initial wedlock years, especially when time is the scarce element with couple concentrating on their careers. How many of the relatives understand this?

Knowingly or unknowingly, family and siblings tend to intrude on the quality time spent by spouses. Late night frequent calling, insisting on a daily tele-talk, probing for confidential information related to financial aspects, demanding reasons for the lack of response to messages, inquisitive non stop questioning of the ability of the woman’s housekeeping, criticizing the culinary skills are some ways one could cause strained relations. Undue expectations of the bride/groom to comply with formalities and keeping a check on it can drive the modern day man/woman wild and crazy.

What starts of as an expression of view point to either of the spouse, blows out of proportion like a bomb blast. This explosion strikes as a thunderbolt in their otherwise blissful life. The husband/wife is often forced to act as a stressed-out mediator between a furious, complaining partner and non-understanding folks. Further instances add fuel to the fire ultimately extinguishing the spark between them forever. Families of both sides need to steer clear from this kind of behaviour.Afterall one likes their breathing space don’t they?

Is it fair to come forceful on the new member? Is it not the duty of the older generation to let them lead their lives? Being wise and mature, one should realize that no force of nature can change the bond of a parent-child relationship.

As an educated head, one should explain the sanctity of a marriage to the younger ones in the family circle. Parental affection is eternal. Hence secure feelings should prevail. By clinging and demanding more, one could drive them far from their affiliation circle. It would also plant seeds of disrespect and hatred in the new family member towards them. Why look at the new entry as a threat? Why not look at them as an opportunity to expand your windows of love in your heart? Why not look at them as another child sent by the almighty? Why not look at them as someone whom you could generously shower blessings on?

Isn't the happiness of your children/family member, the ultimate goal? As a parent/family member, one should encourage a couple to spend maximum time with each other. Levels of comfort and open communication must be encouraged to prevent any disharmony or misunderstanding. Allowing them time to adjust to a new phase in their lives will nurture only respect and admiration. Burdening them with undue pressure and being a nuisance will only lead to resentment.

Instead of creating a bridge that distances the couple, why not bridge the gap between them by stepping aside? Parents are almost like God. Why act as Satan’s creation? In other words, why cling till divorce do them apart?
Written for
Appeared as Editors choice



Blogger invincible said...

nice blog... have seen very few meaningfull blogs...urs z on of 'em..

11:23 AM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Thank u.:)

8:27 PM  
Blogger anonymous said...

i today read ur article on msn...n then got to know of ur blog..jus luving ur articles....going thru sum v traumatic situations in life...i think u a psychologist...can i share sum things with u if i want in future...apologies d way m v vulnerable donno wht m talking abt..anyways v nice articles..u must b a v nice person

9:09 AM  

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