Monday, March 19, 2007

Jealousy:The green eyed monster


-Swetha Amit
The green ugly monster usually occurs in our worst of nightmares. However, it has found to be visible even during the broad daylight. We have all been victims of this bug bite at some point in our lives.

JEALOUSY: The most natural yet devastating emotion which manifests itself into a monster within us. This deadly instinct creates a surge of blood to boil and leave us with a heated feeling, probably giving burning coal stiff competition.

Occurring in different stages, it varies in degrees of severity from being passive and mild to obsessive and dangerous. It refers to cognition of being threatened by a rival. What occurs as a passing thought accommodates itself as a leech sucking the pleasantness from our personalities. This ultimately leads to our destruction if not dealt with at the right time, in an effective manner. This demon inside is known to gnaw at our peace of mind.


So why do we end up feeling jealous? A further understanding of tracing into its primeval causes would enable us to combat this fierce battle of angels vs. demons and emerge as happier individuals. It’s known to occur in different phases in our lives which can grow with age and stature.

Starting from our childhood, this feeling is chosen to be ignored not realizing its dire consequences. A sudden shift of attention by our parents towards a new entrant, a sibling would leave us feeling morose and lead to resentment of our younger brother/sister. This is especially after we had gotten used to being the sole object of their affection. An insecure wave engulfs us making us feel as though we’ve lost our parents to someone else, which unfortunately isn’t realized by them. It ultimately leads to hatred, which is portrayed by acts of pinching or bullying our siblings and other children. Constant comparison can also result in an unhealthy competition at a much later stage.


During our adolescence/school days, envious feelings occur over issues like the popularity quotient and teachers' pet. Pangs of jealousy are felt towards our friends over the opposite gender’s attention, attractive appearances and recognized talents. Striving to possess others attributes, absent in us, and is what causes this devil within us.


Adulthood exposes us to the real world. Factors like education, acquisition of degrees, career prospects abroad, salary structure and marital issues play a crucial role in intensifying this persistent feeling. This is in spite of our maturity levels prevailing in moderate limits. Brooding over others prosperity, power, position or social status or being threatened by our partner’s interaction with the opposite gender describes our devilish emotion. It could result in extremity of possessiveness.


All this sums up to feelings of insecurity, low self confidence and comparison which are cited to be the main causes of this deadly feeling. Getting to the root origin indicates the victory of at least half the battle. This would propel the effective management of this green eyed monster. Some of the effective steps include:


Addressing the issue immediately will extinguish this spark before it blazes up into a fiery destructive emotion. Dismissing it as ‘just another feeling’ and complete denial could lead to frustration within oneself and others. Acceptance and honesty will steer this wheel into a favorable mode of positivism.


Indulging in positive self talk emphasizes the ‘feel good’ factor. Respecting oneself for the person we are works wonders. Dwelling on our positive points instead of drowning in our negatives equals the magical touch of the wishing wand.


Identifying strengths enables one to focus on their inherent talents and developing their interests into a probably passionate profession/activity. It’s a definite confident boosting factor which would eradicate any remote form of insecurity.


‘Stop comparing’ formula is the best medicine to cure one out of this disease. It’s this constant obsession about the rival that declines our productivity and intellectual abilities. Realizing the uniqueness and each person being different from one another is bound to clear the fog out of the clouded minds. This rule is applicable to outsiders who indulge in the annoying act of comparing two individuals.


Seeking a trustworthy confident will help in planting the seeds of assurance during the initial hurl of insecure attacks. A shoulder to cry on and pour out feelings will help in gaining control of ones emotions. Regular feeding of loving words can act as a soothing balm to the nerve wrecked wounds.


Lastly, communicating with the rival, if possible can help gain clarity of your feelings. Maybe the so called ‘threatening factor’ have their imperfections as well. This will remove the false notions of the ‘affected one’ being a total good for nothing. A rare case of discovering the ‘opposition’ envying us for our strengths may reduce our destructive undercurrents.


Keeping all this in mind, we should work towards overtaking this green eyed monster before it rules over us completely. After all we do want our inner beauty, peaceful sleep and happiness don’t we?


Written for www.msn.co.in

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