Saturday, March 28, 2009

Is Blood thicker than Water?

-By Swetha Amit
When one says ‘family’, words like love, support, care and security comes to their mind. However with the recent occurrences attached with a horrifying element makes one want to rethink with regard to such associations.

The ‘incest’ virus seems to be the next dreaded disease after terrorism. What with the hearings of Businessman father raping daughter as per Tantrik’s suggestions for monetary gains. And now the latest story on the Mumbai Mirror edition narrated in first person by a 29 year old lad of being molested by his uncle. It made me wonder where the world was heading to. Or how worse can it get? Life seems to be getting complicated with every passing day and relationships are certainly no exception. True that complexity is what makes it interesting but not to an extent that it elicits disgust, horror and dread. To an extent where it makes one question about the safety factor in one’s own homes and with family? Especially when our country was once known to be the epitome of a happy joint family- one that eats, dines and prays together. Not anymore perhaps.

Coming back to the appalling story of a young man, it made me cringe with nothing but disgust on reading it. From the tender age of 7, he bore the brunt of sexual advances by his uncle. Fear of not being believed forced him to remain silent and suppressed until one day the threshold was reached. Unable to bear it any longer, he kicked his relative and realized that it should have been given much earlier-an act which would have saved much of his psychological scars. His story stated that how there was none he could confide into. He said that disclosing his story to a close friend in college only earned him snide remarks and made him a laughing stock eventually. While he did gather courage to disclose this to his father, the relationship never remained the same as the latter accused him of having enjoyed such advances.

It left him with no choice but to displace his rage in the form of activism. He stood for animal rights and confided more in his dog whom he found solace in and unconditional support. Many a time he had contemplated on suicide. Who could blame him? Especially when he soon found out about his sexual identity of that being a gay. Yet he chose to move on and lead his life in his own terms. He did ensure that his uncle was out-casted from the family and yet couldn’t ignore the fear, the insecurity and the scars that probably wouldn’t heal with time. Being a loner without a choice didn’t help either.

What a shame to hear of such lives being spoilt and scarred forever. I was shocked. What is it that makes family members indulge in such callousness? It would be a daunting task to study the psychological aspects attributed to such behaviour. Earlier it was cases of rape, murder from third parties that brought out the heinous aspects of the world. And now one has to face the same from relatives as well.

Such increasing cases are no doubt leading to young ones posing a lot of questions on hearing about such instances. No amount of filtering can shield them from the hard hitting truth with due respects to the media. Starting from the unsettled Aarushi Talwar case, kids were found asking if their fathers would do the same. The recent occurrence of the businessman makes matters worse. There are clearly two categories which children can fall into. The actual victims and the prospective victims. It made me wonder who to sympathise with more?

While the first set is nursing scars of the wounds inflicted upon them, the latter are nursing fear of having to deal with such scars. While the first set is perennially scarred, the second category of children perennially fall under the insecurity zone.

Another aspect that came to my mind was that of the boy not having gotten support from any source. One hand, we express our sympathies towards such incidents on hearing about it, but when it actually comes to lending it, society chooses to remain aloof. Isn’t it a hypocritical stance? It may not be fair to generalize family factor on a whole based on a few instances. Yet one cannot ignore as to how many incidents like these are happening with a veil from the media. Call it being cynical, pessimism but one cannot deny the strange ways of the world and such occurrences only proves it further. So is blood thicker than water? Or does neither possess the substance of morality anymore?
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Blogger Ayesha Parveen said...

Blood need not be thicker than water.

What is terrifying is that all sense of shame at wrong-doing is lost. There is unbelievable evil and the saddest thing is that most evil people look so decent and kind. When the victim cries foul, almost no one believes him/her.

Thanks Swetha, for this highly thought-provoking post.

3:45 AM  
Blogger KParthasarathi said...

Such aberrations are on the increase.The parents have a role to play(forget the few animals even amongst this category) in guiding the children on what is appropriate and what is not in the touches,talks and the behaviour of elders towards them.It is a must that parents should not be shy about in telling the young.Thanks to the media on the look out for the sensational and titillating,such cases are frequently reported and in greater detail.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

@Ayesha: Yes it is true that there is a lack of conscience and morals in this world. People seem to think that they can get away by doing anything and justice factor is slowly diminishing. I wonder if there is anything called humanity after all.:(

9:25 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

@KP:The role of parents is very vital here as you say. Their unconditional support is what would win the child's confidence ultimately and assure him/her of emotional security. I wish parents realize this soon to avoid cases such as these from occurring further.

9:28 PM  
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12:48 AM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Thanks Siddharth. Will certainly visit your blog...

10:35 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Comments on MSN:
Michele - Saint Petersburg on 4/14/2009 11:49:09 PM
Thank you! After how many years of even the average Joe knowing the horror and damage done through incest and still society comdems the act but perfers to remain detached from the ugly issue of incest. I am a 47 y/o female who was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by my father. He recently retired from his second career - ordained minister in the Disciples of Christ organization. His first career was with the United States Air Force. This is what I want people to know. The next time you have the pleasure to be in the company of a baby think about this - what would happen to this child if denied food for an extended period of time? Malnutrition resulting in compromised physical and emotional development and worst case scenario- death. What would happen to an infant that is fed, warm, dry and safe from immediate danger but does not receive enough physical interaction with other human beings? the infant will experience "a failure to thrive" and go on to live horrendously haunted or again worst case scenario- death. The fix or cure for the above mentioned maladies are quite simple and defined. Not so for a child living with incest. How does society expect these children to make their way in the world - they are living with the most heinous and most feared monster of childhood - a sexually depraved adult. Ever watch young children playing "house" with their little Tykes kitchen? Imagine what playing house could look like if these children where living with incest?

12:23 AM  

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