Friday, June 27, 2008

A Scar for life

-By Swetha Amit
He looked at the bright red streak across his hand which was injured in a nail biting basketball match. It would be a while before he could resume his passion again. “It will heal in just a week’s time” said the doctor as the young lad winced in pain. The wound would soon subside into a mild scar only to fade away with time.

“You are good for nothing”. A statement that kept lingering in her mind like an annoying alarm clock that would shake her up from her beauty sleep. It was a haunting reminder, echoing inside her whenever she would attempt to take a step forward. It seemed like something was holding her back from reaching where she aspired to be. A scathing remark that left a perennial psychological scar that even 20 years couldn’t heal.

A visible contrast is exhibited between a superficial blemish which would be concealed effortlessly and an internal one that would inflict pain like a fresh wound. All it takes an insensitive remark to bring about an ugly effect while a burning object seems to get scot free with only a matter of time. Millions are found to be victims of the latter case.

An offhand remark from a family member, friend or neighbor tends to cause severe repercussions to a healthy growth in one's personality. This is especially prominent in the childhood and adolescent stage where the transition is at its peak with high strung emotions. It almost equals a flower being crushed before it opens out its soft and blooming petals. Flurries of comments are hurled out knowingly or unknowingly which often affects the person’s self esteem to a large extent. Remarks about one's physical appearance range from ones dusky complexion, obesity, clothing, under performance, slow learning, and failure to meet high expectations and constant comparisons with other peers.

Repeated reminders from role models, whom the youngsters look up to, can prove to be a source of discouragement and dismay. The gradual feeling of ‘being worthless’ will grow only to multiply like cancer cells and result in self destruction. Such beings are the ones who would refuse to recognize their inherent potential or talent due to one stinging statement. They tend to withdraw into a shell, refusing to face the world with the expected supreme confidence. The reverse effect could also occur where such youngsters display a condescending attitude towards others as a defense mechanism of covering up their inner insecurities or complexes. A repertoire of rude retorts even to adults is a common trait found amongst those still recovering from their early tryst with insults.

It may be surprising and even shocking for those who have unintentionally contributed to this dire circumstance. Words uttered by us even in a pang of frustration can lead to an instance where one loses their faces to forgive themselves on realizing their impertinent folly later.

It is essential to measure our words and indulge in encouragement rather than the opposite, to children and even others. While it may not be an easy task to control our agitations and vexations at times, a momentary thought of its consequences can act as a controlling factor. Motivational words can work like a magic wand in instances of low bouts. Unconditional acceptance of our near and dear ones proves to be a key factor. One certainly cannot discount the fact of flaws being present in us to a large extent. And constant reminders by others about our shortcomings deteriorate our pride and lead to resentment of those guilty. Indulging in the same behaviour towards others would probably reap in similar attitudes towards us. Keeping in mind of our acceptance by others in the society despite our minor drawbacks should propel us to extend the same genre of open mindedness towards them. A dose of sensitivity and tact is all that it requires on our part to appreciate our fellow humans, especially our kith and kin.

While cosmetology is what heals physical scars ultimately, nothing can surpass the humane compassion which is the finishing touch to the architecture of personality structuring. A smooth balm that can minimize the deep scars, even worse than those created by acne.
Written for



Anonymous Mukundhan said...

I agree with you. But i would slightly differ. One incident of someone calling someone worthless hardly does any damage. It is the repeated comparison with successful people and the repeated reminders of one's ineffectiveness that leaves a permanent scar on one's psyche. You have written about the after effects of the scar quite well.
This is definitely not the way to bring up children. I have seen some examples in my own family when parents compare their children's performance with others in the family/neighbourhood and call them "worthless" when they don't match up to their expectations. How many parents were state/school toppers? why aren't they ready to accept mediocrity in studies from their children?
The time has come where the art of parenting has to be taught as a subject in college i guess.
No compulsion, but i would appreciate if you can go through my blogspace (link on my name) when you have time and leave a comment when possible.
Btw, why don't you burn your feed? You may end up getting more number of hits than what you have been getting presently.

11:43 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Thanks Mukundh. Will definitely go through your blog and leave a few comments.:-)

How do you burn the feed btw?

12:59 AM  
Blogger Ayesha Parveen said...

An outstanding post. Sometimes it is very difficult to undo the damage done by unkind words. You have hit upon the right word:compassion. Compassion works wonders in motivating as well as healing.
Thanks for visiting my blog and for leaving a comment.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Thanks a lot Ayesha.:-)

5:22 AM  

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